Forbidden Love
by oOWeasleyWizardWheezesOo
Summary: Another journey through the pensieve gives Harry a chance to read Snape's journal. When he doesn't get enough information he sneaks around and finds out something he's been waiting for his whole life. (HPSS Slash)
1. Beginnings

!$!$! I really shouldn't be starting anymore stories until I finish my others...but what can I say? I'm a sucker for new ideas! lol... Tell me what you think... encourage me with nice reviews and be my muse so I continue to write! hehe... here goes nothing...!$!$!  
  
-&- Chapter One: Beginnings -&-  
  
"Harry, get up. Harry!" he heard his best friend, Ron Weasley, yell in his ear and shove him. He blinked a few times and sat up. " Twenty minutes until your session, you better get downstairs and eat something." Ron spoke again. Harry sighed, remembering he had to start Occlumency with Snape again this year; Dumbledore's orders.  
  
He didn't blame Dumbledore. He thought having the lessons was a good idea, considering what having Voldemort in his mind caused. He tried not to remember that and got out of his bed. He wasn't sure why he took a nap, he wasn't even tired. He knew, however, that the lessons would drain him and he needed a good rest.  
  
"Eat something Harry, you'll need your strength." Hermione pleaded with him. He looked up at his bushy haired friend and fiddled with his fork. He wasn't hungry. He barely ever was these days; the days after Sirius' death. He took a few bites and put his fork down.  
  
"Happy?" he said mockingly. "I suppose it'll do." Hermione said with sad eyes. Harry stood from the table and walked out of the Great Hall without saying 'goodbye' to any of his friends. He walked of the Grand Staircase to the second floor girl's bathroom.   
  
Being around ghosts made him feel like he had a connection with the other side. He had visited Moaning Myrtle many times in the two weeks since school had begun again. She was, if possible, more depressed than him; and it made his self-esteem boost a little.   
  
"Harry, is that you?" her ghostly sobs stopped when she heard footsteps.  
  
"Hello Myrtle." he answered and came around the corner to meet her.  
  
"Back again?" she asked and hovered high above her stall.  
  
"I needed someone to talk to." he said and sat on the floor.  
  
"What about that cat girl and your cute friend Ron?" Myrtle giggled.   
  
"Hermione isn't a cat girl. Besides, I can't talk to them anymore, they don't understand." he sighed.  
  
They sat discussing their sorrows for a few minutes before Harry found himself felling a little better. He said goodnight to Myrtle and made his way out of the room, down the stairs, through the entrance hall, and down some more stairs. When he reached Severus Snape's dungeon class room he took a deep breathe and opened the door.   
  
Harry looked around the room. Snape wasn't there yet. He walked to the front of the class room and sat down. He looked around again. Something stood out from all of the jarred objects: the pensieve. Harry was tempted to dive at it. He wanted to go inside. He wanted to be able to see his father and Godfather again. He knew Snape would have more bad memories about them.  
  
The dungeon door flew open and Professor Snape came stomping in. Harry watched as his teacher pointed a wand at his head and withdrew his silvery thoughts and memories, placing them into the pensieve. The older man then turned to Harry.  
  
"Up." he demanded. Harry did so and walked towards his slimy professor. "Remember to clear your mind. Forget all of your emotions. You have to try." Snape commanded. Harry tried, but he knew it would never happen. No matter how hard he tried, Voldemort would always be able to get to him, because he was an emotional wreckage.   
  
He closed his eyes, trying hard to go into a dreamless sleep-like state. He nodded his head to Snape and heard the words "Legilimens!" Harry saw Cho Chang. He saw them in the coffee house. He watched as he tried to hold her hand. The memories then skipped to the time when Cho kissed him before walking away full of tears.   
  
This was the one thing Harry never wanted Snape, of all people, to see. His brain swirled and he fell to the floor. "As interesting as that was, Mr. Potter, I suggest that you work harder to clear your mind." Harry glared at him before standing up and attempting to swipe his mind of everything.  
  
"Legilimens!" Snape cast again and Harry's memories popped up. This time what he remember was actually Snape's memory. He watched his father and Sirius hang Snape upside down and tease him. This time when Harry fell to the ground it was because he was nearly in tears and he wanted to pull out of the memory.   
  
As much as he wanted to see his family, he didn't want to see such a bad side of them. He wiped his unfallen tears away and looked up. Snape was glaring at him with utmost hate. "Get up Potter!" Harry did so and tried yet again to clear his mind. "Legilimens!"   
  
He remember when he first went to Sirius' house. When he read the note from Dumbledore. He knew right away that this memory would get him in trouble. Now he understood exactly why he needed to take these lessons. If Voldemort ever found out where The Order headquarters where, the war would be over. They would loose.  
  
Harry blinked and looked at Snape. His fists were clenched. Harry figured that he'd better say something before Snape blew up on him. "I'm sorry, Sir. It won't happen again. I'll practice, I swear." Harry managed to say.   
  
"You had better, boy! You may leave now, but be back here same time tomorrow!" Snape spat.  
  
"Tomorrow?! But, Professor, I have Quidditch practice tomorrow!" Harry complained.  
  
"Potter, you are the captain, therefore... I suggest you change your plans!" Snape barked.  
  
"Yes Sir..." Harry tired not to loose his temper.   
  
"Good, now leave!" Snape yelled.  
  
Quidditch was the one real thing that cleared his mind. If only he could fly in his sleep. He needed the practice, he needed to feel better. He dragged himself back to the Gryffindor tower and sat in his favorite chair. "Harry, how'd it go?" he heard Ron ask. He forced himself to keep his eyes open.  
  
"Not so great... listen, can you tell the team I'm going to have to reschedule practice for another time. I'm going to sleep." He forced his way upstairs and laid in his bed. He pulled the curtains around and tried to clear his mind. If anything, it did help him go to sleep faster.   
  
The next day he skipped dinner and took a walk instead. He had never replaced his watch after the water damaged it in fourth year, so he estimated how long he had been outside. Thinking it was time to go in, he made his way to Snape's classroom. However, when he got there he found out he was twenty minutes early. He sighed and sat down.   
  
The pensieve was tempting him again. He sat on Snape's desk mocking him. The silvery memories called to him. He figured he would have enough time. Snape would still be in dinner, after all. He walked over to it and ran his finger along the liquid. It was so smooth and enchanting, even if it did come out of Snape's head.   
  
He pushed his arm through, follow by his head. Before he knew it he was flying through a black space and he landed back exactly where he was. For a minute he thought something had gone wrong, until he saw Snape and himself standing near him. He had an experience like this before, in third year. However, now he didn't have to hide from his other self, he couldn't be seen.   
  
"Amusing man, your father, wasn't he?" Snape asked, shaking Harry vigorously. It was Snape's memory of pulling Harry out of the pensieve last time. Harry watched the rest of the ordeal until his other self left the room. Snape walked over to a shelve and ran his fist along all of the objects, angrily knocking them to the floor and breaking them.   
  
He then sat at his desk with his head in his hands. It seemed like he was crying. He pulled out a book and started writing in it. Harry walked behind him and read over his shoulder.  
  
"Harry got into my thoughts, he knows now about my past. He knows how much of a loser I am. I freaked out on him. I yelled at him and told him never to come back. I know that's the complete opposite of what I want. What do I do?!"  
  
Harry felt himself flying through the black space again. Snape didn't want Harry to leave that night? He wanted to continue the lessons? He landed back in the classroom again. This time Snape was just getting done writing in his journal. He stood up and walked out of the room, leaving his journal open on the desk.   
  
Harry didn't follow Snape, he stayed and read the entry.   
  
"Journal, my question was finally answered. At tonight's lesson I saw memories of him and another student, Cho Chang. They were on a date, it seemed. Then it flashed to another memory, where they kissed. It's over. I have no chance."   
  
Harry tired to turn the page, but he couldn't, his hand went right through the book. He realized he should leave, Snape would be in for his lesson soon. However, he then realized he had never gotten out on his own before. He didn't know how to get out.   
  
He didn't have much time to think about it, because a hand grabbed him and he was pulled out. The hand threw him to the floor. He rolled over, rubbing his arm. Snape stared down at him, angrier than ever. "I told you never to touch that again!" he hissed. Harry hurried to his feet.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, Sir." Harry said, not wanting to get into trouble anymore.  
  
"What did you see?!" Snape demanded.   
  
"N-nothing... just us... talking." Harry half lied.   
  
"Stay! Away! From! It!" Snape screamed. "Now let's get to work!"  
  
After the lesson Harry went back to the Gryffindor tower. Ron tired to talk to him as he walked in but Harry merely said "Tell the team we'll have practice tomorrow at noon." and walked to the dormitory. After a few hours of sleep he woke back up and grabbed his invisibility cloak and the map the twins gave him.  
  
He snuck out of the tower and down the Grand Staircase. He made it to the dungeons and found it easy to break into Snape's classroom. He walked over to the desk and tried to open the cabinet holding the journal. It was, of course, locked. Harry pulled out his wand. "Lumos."   
  
Could it be any easier? Snape left a ring of keys right on top of the desk. After trying five of them, Harry found the right key and opened the cabinet. He pulled out the black journal and opened it about a quarter way through.  
  
"Journal, my dreams have continued. Last night I dreamed about us at a restaurant, feeing each other ice cream. I'm just glad it hasn't escalated to something more sexual. I don't know if I could handle that. Student-teacher relationships are forbidden... at least I think they are. It would make sense to ban it.   
  
I want to stop having the dreams and fantasies. I want to go back to really hating him, not just pretending or forcing myself to. I have to try to get these feelings out of my head."  
  
Harry flipped forward until the book was about a quarter way done.   
  
"I decided last night that I can't fight this anymore. The feelings aren't only in my dreams anymore. When ever we meet my heart jumps, my mind races, and I forget how to breathe. I try not to blink anymore, in fear of missing those beautiful eyes. I think I'm in love."  
  
He flipped to that last page that was written on. Snape had written it right after Harry left that night.  
  
"Journal, I was almost found out. I think he read you. He went into my memories again. I saw him sitting in front of you. I hope he didn't read you... then again, would it be so bad? If he did read you, he didn't say anything about it. Perhaps he isn't mad. Then again, he could have only read something stupid, something that wouldn't have told him my feelings for him.   
  
I'm so confused, I need to know what happened. I hoped to find it in his mind during the lessons, but he actually has been practicing, and I could barely read his thoughts. I'm giving him a break, I didn't ask him to come back until after the weekend. I need to calm down first.  
  
Every time I see him I just want to hold him, but my mind tells me to do the opposite, so I scream and I fight him and push him... I hate myself for it! I know that I can't just suddenly become his best friend, it would shock the hell out of him. I have to continue to act like my old self... my continued self, just not the way I feel for him. Is it so wrong to love The Boy Who Lived?"  
  
Harry's jaw dropped when he started reading the second paragraph. His eyes widened as he read the last sentence. Was this just a big joke? He closed the book and was about to put it away when he heard a voice to his left.   
  
"What do you think your doing here, Potter?" Harry hadn't realized that his cloak had fallen off during his read. Snape was standing in a doorway on the far left side of the room. Harry supposed it led to his office or bed quarters. Harry searched for some words, but they didn't come in time.   
  
Snape walked over to the boy and grabbed the book from him. "Out for a midnight read?" he snorted and shoved the journal back into it's cabinet.   
  
"I-I... I didn't read anything, Professor." Harry lied.  
  
"I highly doubt that, I saw you before you closed it." Snape said, pulling Harry out of the chair.   
  
"I didn't see anything important." he lied again.  
  
"Really, Potter, tell my why you are so nervous then." Snape almost laughed, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I-I'm not nervous." Harry defended.  
  
"Then why are you stuttering?" Snape asked, folding his arms.  
  
"S-Sir... can I leave?" Harry asked, backing up.  
  
"Sure, but I expect you back here tomorrow night and the next at eight for detention, stay out of my things, Mr. Potter." Snape nearly pushed him out of the door.   
  
Harry wondered if Snape wanted him to go to the detentions just to spend time with him. If so, was he calmed then? In the journal it said he gave Harry a break so that he could calm down. But now that he saw Harry reading it, couldn't he be less calm? Perhaps he liked the feeling he got when making Harry stutter nervously.   
  
Harry was more confused then he had ever been in his life. He couldn't tell anyone about what he read, not even Myrtle. He walked straight to the common room and fell asleep on the sofa, not wanting to wake anyone up by going back to the dormitory.   
  
!$!$! So... what do you think so far?! There will be more explanations of Severus' feelings to come... Please reviews...don't flame...it makes me cry...tear lol thanks for reading! !$!$! 


	2. Stealing

!$!$! Heh... Thanks for the reviews... but I need to know... is Snape out of character or not? Because one person says so and another said he's not...and I need to know so I can write this good! Josie Writer, I'm glad I might have changed your mind... I too thought it was a little odd the first time I read one...just the other night...lol... but I fell in love with it! Here goes nothing...!$!$!  
  
-&- Chapter Two: Stealing -&-  
  
"Harry, it's nearly noon, get up!" Ron said, beating on Harry's arm.  
  
"Why didn't you wake me sooner?!" Harry yelled and jumped up.   
  
"I tried before I went down to breakfast, you wouldn't budge!" Ron said, but Harry didn't hear him he was too busy running upstairs to get changed and get his broom. After changing again into his Quidditch robes in his office, he walked out to the field with the rest of his team.   
  
"Ron, Ginny, Cassandra, and Lavender, I want you four to practice together at the hoops. I'll check on you later." Harry commanded and watched them fly off. He then turned to Seamus and Colin, his new beaters. "I want you to direct the buldgers at me."  
  
"Harry, that's insane!" Colin protested.  
  
"Yeah, why should we hurt you on purpose? Without you we'd loose!" Seamus joined it.  
  
"You heard me!" Harry said firmly and released the last three balls. He flew off and started chasing the snitch. He watched as the beaters followed the buldgers, aiming them right at him. He was too fast for them and easily avoided the pain it would cause to be hit by one.  
  
Something was different though, his mind wasn't clear. He wasn't concentrating only on the game. He couldn't help but wonder about the journal. What was Snape playing at? He probably knew that Harry couldn't help but snoop, he probably planted the journal and made it all up.   
  
Then again, Harry couldn't help but notice the emotion that was put into the writing. He could never have wrote that unless he felt that way... no, not Snape, he couldn't have. Harry's stomach turned, no one had ever said anything to him like the things he read. It would be nice to have someone feel that way, just not Snape.   
  
Harry felt something hit his back and knock him off of his broom. Luckily, he wasn't that high off of the ground. He it fast and hard. He stood up immediately, not wanting to look weak in front of his team. "I told you this was a bad idea!" Colin screamed, running over to Harry.   
  
"Are you okay?" Ron asked, landing in front of Colin.   
  
"I-I'm fine. I just lost focus, my minds been other places. Continue to practice for at least another half hour. I need some more rest..." Harry said, walking off of the field, rubbing his back. His team gawked at him in disbelief.   
  
When he got up to the Gryffindor common room Harry fall onto the couch, whining in pain. "Harry, what's wrong?" he didn't notice that Hermione was sitting at a desk reading. "Nothing." he lied and looked at the clock. There was still an hour until dinner, and he was starving for once.   
  
He walked up to his dorm and took out some candy. After laying for a while Dean Thomas walked in. "Hullo Harry." he said, sitting down on his own bed. "I saw the team heading in, why aren't you with them?" Harry sighed and mumbled something about telling him later before walking downstairs for dinner.  
  
"You're early, Potter" Snape hissed when Harry walked into his classroom later.   
  
"I know... I have nothing better to do." Harry sighed.  
  
"Then you'll just work longer, don't expect to get off early!" Snape snapped.  
  
"I wouldn't dream of it, Sir." Harry mumbled and got to work on cleaning the floors, as directed.  
  
The next night he cleaned the stone floor in Snape's office, and the night after that he cleaned the wooden floor in Snape's luxurious bed chambers. Every night, when Snape was satisfied with the job, Harry trudged back to his bed and fell asleep quickly. However, on the last night he didn't sleep for long.   
  
A few hours later he woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. His feet pulled him to his trunk and his hands pulled out his cloak and map. Tiredly unable to force himself back into bed he followed his feet down to Snape's classroom. He gained control of his body and woke up completely.   
  
Walking over to the desk, he thought Snape foolish to leave his keys lying around again and for keeping the journal in the same place. Maybe he wanted Harry to read it again? This time Harry didn't feel like being subjected to anymore cleaning, so he pocketed the journal and headed back to his room.   
  
He sat in the common room under his cloak reading with only the light of the fire to guide him. Skipping past boring things, and basically anything that didn't concern him, Harry read the whole journal. He found a few things that interested him highly, the most recent being...  
  
"For the past few nights I've had Harry cleaning the floors. After thinking I figured it'd be the most punishing detention that I would benefit from. Watching him bent over isn't a sore sight at all, especially in those tight little jeans he wears. I now understand the point of Muggle clothes. I must admit, it was very tempting to having him so close to my bed, especially when I know that fantasying is all that will ever happen..."  
  
Harry closed the journal and went to sleep just as the sun was raising that Sunday morning.   
  
Upon opening his eyes Harry saw that it was dark again. He looked to his clock on his nightstand and sighed. It was eight pm. He had slept the day away. Maybe no one felt like being snapped at, and didn't bother waking him up. He liked that though, he needed the sleep.  
  
Harry reached under his mattress and pulled out Snape's journal. He flipped to his favorite things labeled. "Ten things I love about Harry." He smiled as he read it.  
  
"1. His amazing smile.  
  
2. How cute he looks when he sleeps in class.  
  
3. His super witty come backs, when he builds up enough steam to use them.  
  
4. The way he flies his broom.  
  
5. How adorable he is.  
  
6. Those emerald pools of emotion.  
  
7. His Determination.  
  
8. How protective he is of those that he loves, I wish he would protect and love me.  
  
9. The way he acts so modest, but how could anyone like him be so?  
  
10. What I love most about Harry Potter is how heroic he is, he's saved us all so many times."  
  
Now that he was rested, it dawned on Harry just how much he liked the list. He had never felt so loved in his life. He closest to family-like love he had ever gotten was Sirius and Mrs. Weasley... but that just wasn't the same. He knew his friends loved him, but that wasn't the same either. Cho Chang had chosen Cedric over him, and ruined their relationship by crying over him all day.   
  
No, this was a different type of love. Harry almost wanted to cry over the grotesque memory that it was Severus Snape who wrote these wonderful things. He put the journal back under his mattress and walked to the bathrooms to freshen up. When he came back to his dormitory he began to pace.  
  
Meanwhile, unbeknown to Harry, Snape burst into the Gryffindor common room. "Where's Potter?!" he screamed at Ron who was sitting in front of the fire playing chess with Seamus. Ron pointed to the boys staircase with a confused and scared look on his face.   
  
Harry stopped his pacing and turned towards the door when he heard someone fling it open. His eyes widened as Snape stomped towards him, grabbed the front of his robes, and pushed him against the way. His feet weren't reaching he floor and he was surprised that with Snape small figure he could hold him up like that.   
  
Snape stared at him with a mixture of hate and angst. "Where is it Potter?!" He spat out, shaking slightly. Harry couldn't speak, Snape's grip was too choking. "Stealing is grounds for expulsion!" Snape sneered and let go of Harry, seeing how much he was hurting the Gryffindor.   
  
Harry fell to the floor, rehurting his arm. He stood slowly, cradling that arm, and turned to Snape. He suddenly found himself smiling. "You wouldn't expel me." Harry said, slightly laughing.   
  
"Don't try me, boy. Give it back and I won't have to call Dumbledore in here." Snape hissed.  
  
"Then he might just read it, he'll want to know what's going on." Harry said, having fun playing with Snape's patients. Snape's eyes filled with fear and for the first time since they had met, Snape was out of words. Harry sighed and sat on his bed. It wasn't fun unless Snape tortured him back.   
  
"Here." Harry said pulling the book out from under his mattress and tossed it to Snape. "You should really think about taking a few more security measures if you don't want anyone else reading that." said Harry, lying down on his bed.   
  
"Y-you read it..." the Potions Master found his voice.   
  
"Go on... yell at me." Harry waited for his punishment.   
  
"......" Snape's mouth hang open, trying to figure out what to say.  
  
"Is it true?" Harry asked mechanically.   
  
"......" Snape closed his mouth and stared at Harry, down to the journal, and back to Harry; his hands shaking all the while. "Why would one lie to one's own journal?" He finally said, not willing to say flat out that it was true.   
  
"I see..." Harry laughed. "Then all these years I've been in potion's hell just for a cover up?" he frowned. Snape looked hurt at the words 'potions hell' but figured Harry's had a right to know.  
  
"I must admit my hate for you was true the first three years of your stay here." he almost whispered.  
  
Harry laid on his bed staring at Snape. The older man had fancied him for going on three years now, and he never had a clue. He enjoyed the feelings, and he enjoyed being in the same room with him without getting detention, even if he deserved it for once.   
  
"I should go... I'm contact you about your punishment later." Snape said headed to the door.  
  
"What!?" Harry jumped off of his bed, "You're really going to punish me!?"  
  
"It's my job, Potter." he smirked and opened the door.  
  
"Please don't go!" Harry didn't recall ever wanting to say the words, but they came out of his mouth. When they did, he smiled. He knew how lonely he was. He knew that he'd rather not be around Myrtle, and he couldn't handle any of his friends. He wanted someone to love him, he didn't care who.   
  
"W-What...?" Snape turned to face Harry, his hands still trembling.   
  
"Can't you stay?" Harry asked, with longing in his eyes.   
  
"I...I'd better not. It's getting late." Snape's lip trembled as he spoke.  
  
"I just woke up, I'm not in the least bit tired." Harry continued.  
  
"The other's will be coming in soon. I need to leave." Snape stepped out of the door.  
  
"Bring me with you, then!" He chased after him and grabbed his hand before he could go down the stairs. Snape looked down at their joined hands. He hid a smile and pulled away. "Please, Professor. I need someone to talk to..." Harry pleaded, taking Snape's hand again.   
  
"Fine, Potter, follow me." he said pulling his hand away again, "Remember to act normal."  
  
"No problem." Harry said and folded his arms, placing his best angry face on.  
  
Walking through the common room people stared at the two. Snape walked in front of Harry, his robes following wildly, looking as if he was ready to kill someone. Ron walked up to Harry. "What's going on, mate?" he asked.  
  
"I'll tell you later." Harry said and sent a glare towards Snape. Once out of the portrait hole, Harry smiled and walked up closer to his now open admirer. "Thank you." he said and grinned up at his professor. Snape said nothing.   
  
The older male led the younger to his office and stored his journal in a more secret area, not caring if Harry had seen where, knowing that he had already read it. He then walked into his bed chambers and sat in an overstuffed chair. Harry followed him and sat on the floor, fore there were no other chairs in the room.   
  
"Why'd you do it, Potter?" Snape finally spoke up.  
  
"Would you please stop calling me Potter? I know you didn't in the journal." Harry smirked.  
  
"Yes, well... I'm still your teacher, and I think it's more proper for me to call you Mr. Potter."   
  
"Fine, fine... so... why did I do it? I guess I just needed to know everything." he looked up.  
  
"Well you still don't know everything, Potter. I don't even know everything!" Snape put his head in his hands and sighed. He pulled a piece of paper out of his robe pocket and handed it to Harry, who read it quickly.  
  
"I don't know what's come over me. How can I feel this way? Some days I want to decapitate him and the next day I just want to hug him and never let go. I should be ashamed of my self. I am ashamed of myself, most of the time... Killing myself seems too easy, I deserve to sit and wonder and fight with myself."  
  
"It was too negative to keep in my journal." Snape said when Harry looked up to him with a worried expression. "I know now that I can't help my feelings, I've stopped beating myself up over it."   
  
"Then why keep it?" Harry asked, standing up.  
  
"To remind myself that I'm not completely insane, and that my feelings didn't just form overnight." he half smiled. Harry smiled back, he'd never seen a sincere smile come from the potions professor. "I think maybe I'm glad that you stole it..." Snape whispered, but Harry heard him. The teenager walked over to his admirer and said "Mind if I steal something else?"   
  
Snape stared up at him, half confused, half aroused. Harry raised an eyebrow and leaned over top of his professor. Their lips met softly and lightly, but it was enough to make Severus' whole life.  
  
!$!$! Okay... I think my friend Courtney helped me figure out what to do with Snape to make him act more Snapeish... don't worry, there will be a lot more twists, turns, and drama! You'll see some more of Snape's denial and Harry's depression... so don't give up on the story yet! So... stay with me and review! thanks!!!! (Oh and I just read a new review...if it seems like his journal is written by a teenager...that's because it is! lol I'm 15 years old... but I know that I could make him sound more mature, but I think that I like the more playful side of him that comes out when he thinks about Harry....hehe) 


	3. Ranting

!$!$! Well... I haven't spelt in about twenty four hours...so forgive me if I'm totally off in this chapter. I want to bring in a quote from JW... "Here's what's funny about keeping characters 'in' character that everyone needs to remember: Many people have many different faces, and some that are not always shown to the world. I keep a journal, and I would not consider myself 'in character' when I write in it. Sometimes I just flat-out rant, with no regard for punctuation, grammar, or anything, really." yea...so :-P  
  
lol anyway... as for the rest of what you said, I know that I mess up sometimes but it's not because I don't know the right words...I just make typeos and by the time I'm done writing I'm too tired with writing to go back and read it, I just want to get it posted ASAP! lol And I'll never get a beta because it's my work and I really don't care if it's mess up I'd rather it be messed up and have someone retyping it and poking at it and all... hugs story tight! my baby! lol wee I so need some alcohol right now! I'm way too tired...!$!$!  
  
-&- Chapter Three: Ranting -&-   
  
After about a second in heaven, yes... both men agreed it was heaven; secretly, Harry pulled away and immediately his senses came flying back to him. He fell to the floor and pushed him self away from his professor. "I'm... I'm sorry." Harry said and stood up. "I have to go." he raced out of the room.   
  
He didn't want to go back to the Gryffindor tower. He knew that it would only raise questions he hadn't formed lies for yet. He made his way to the second floor and into Myrtle's bathroom. "Harry... I'm glad to see you. I've been sobbing all day." she exclaimed when he walked into her stall.   
  
"When are you not..." Harry mumbled, glad that his ghostly friend hadn't heard. He finally couldn't hold it in anymore and told her everything. He told her about the lessons and the diary. "And then I kissed him." he finished.  
  
"Oooh! Harry!...oh, Harry..." her voice went from so happy to so sad.   
  
"What's wrong, Myrtle?" he said, looking up at her floating figure.  
  
"I've just always kind of hoped that when you died, you'd spend the rest of eternity with me." she said shyly. Harry smiled up at her.   
  
"But now that you're gay..." she continued.  
  
"I'm not gay, at least I don't think so. Listen, Myrtle, you can't tell anyone about this." he pleaded.  
  
"Harry, I don't talk to anyone besides you!" she said sadly, yet promisingly.   
  
After a long conversation, in which Myrtle mainly flirted with Harry, the boy who lived curled up on the bath room floor and fell asleep. By the time he woke up in the morning he had already missed his first class, and he should have been in potions ten minutes before.   
  
"Myrtle, why didn't you wake me?!?" He screamed, running to the sink and washing up a little.   
  
"You looked so cute sleeping, I didn't want to disturb you." she cried.   
  
Harry rolled his eyes and dashed to his dormitory to get his potions kit. By the time he made it all the way down to the dungeons afterward, it was thirty minutes into the class. He tried to sneak in for two reasons. Avoiding detention or house point deduction was on the bottom of his list for once. He didn't want to talk to Snape at all, in fear of his reaction of the night before.  
  
"You're late Potter," Snape spoke up from his potions book. "Very late... thirty points from Gryffindor."   
  
Harry didn't protest. He took his seat and heard Hermione's hushed lecture about how late he was.   
  
"I don't see how Potter ever ended up in this class. This is N.E.W.T potions isn't it? I haven't stumbled upon a first year class, have I?" Draco joked from behind. There was an uproar from the Slytherins in the class room. Hermione whisper her ever famous "Just ignore them." and helped Harry catch up.  
  
"Are you coming Harry?" Hermione asked at the end of class, meeting Ron at the door.   
  
"I'll meet you in a few minutes." he said and waited for all of the students to exit the room before approaching the professor's desk. "Can I come to see you tonight?" Harry managed to force out of his throat. Snape looked up at the boy and although he wore an angry frown, his eyes screamed "YES!!!"   
  
"I would think, Mr. Potter, that after you ran out last night without even an explanation, you wouldn't want to be around me anymore." he said calmly.   
  
"Call me crazy, Professor, but I thought that just maybe we were becoming friends. If you let me go tonight, I'll tell you just why I did it and why I ran off." Harry said, smiling.   
  
"Very well, now get off to lunch, Potter." Snape said sternly.   
  
"Yes Sir." the boy winked before practically skipping off to the Great Hall.   
  
"What's been up with you Harry?" Ron asked when his best friend sat down across from him for lunch. Harry smiled up at him. "Nothing, I'm actually feeling okay for once."   
  
"Where were you last night, we were worried sick!" Hermione scolded.  
  
"Sorry..." Harry took a bite of his grilled cheese sandwich.   
  
"Well, I suppose to can't complain Hermione, he's actually eating!" Ron beamed.   
  
"Hey guys!" Luna came walking over to them.   
  
"Luna, what brings you around here?" Hermione asked.   
  
"To tell you that the Hufflepuffs from the D.A. are holding a party in the Room of Requirement for all of students in my grade and yours." she said happily, taking a grape out of a bowl in front of Harry and popping it into her mouth. Hermione seemed interested in it, so Luna went on discussing the details of it.  
  
Now that a more respectable Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had been hired, the students were finally learning how to properly defend themselves. Harry had discontinued the D.A. meetings at the very beginning of the school year, so that he would have more time. It was too stressful to try to find days that worked for everyone, and after Sirius' death, he wasn't much up to being surround by people who's attention was only on him.   
  
"You should go Harry." Hermione said, knocking him out of his memories.  
  
"Wait, you, little miss perfect prefect, are suggesting I go to this party?" Harry laughed.  
  
"I think it will be an enjoyable experience that are really need, Harry." Hermione said with concern sparkling in her eyes. "Please go tonight."   
  
'Tonight?' Harry thought. He gulped. He couldn't turn down the party, because he would need a reason, and he couldn't tell his friends that he was going to go see Snape. He decided to go, but to leave early so he would still have time to visit his admirer.   
  
Snape laid on his bed while he listened to Draco rant and rave about some party that was going on. "You should have seen it!" Draco laughed, "So many of them were drunk off of their asses. Like Potter and Seamus, I'm surprised they didn't choke on each other's tongues!"   
  
"P-Potter...?" Snape asked, feeling any color he might actually have falling from his face.  
  
"Yeah, Potter... you know, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Cried Voldemort?" Draco laughed. "They were rolling all over the floor snogging the heck out of each other!"  
  
Snape merely stared into space at this statement.  
  
"Are you okay, Sir?" Draco waved a hand in front of Snape's face.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just wondering... why were you at a party full of Gryffindors?" he lied.  
  
"Well, we went there to trash it, but it was just too damn funny!" Draco fell out of the chair in laughter at the memories.   
  
"I'm awfully tired, Malfoy, do you mind leaving?" Snape hissed in annoyance.  
  
"Sure, see you tomorrow." Draco said, knowing he was still the student and he had to obey the order. He got up and walked out. Snape sighed and rubbed his face. He couldn't believe this, but he had to. Draco would never lie to him. All of the hope that had run into him the night before when Harry kissed him now rushed out of his body.   
  
Green flames grew in his fireplace across the room. Dumbledore's head appeared. "What ever it is, can it please wait until the morning?" Snape huffed.  
  
"I suppose, however," Dumbledore got that twinkle in his blue eyes, "young Mr. Potter is in the hospital wing, and he's asking for you." he finished before pulling his head out of the fireplace. "Dammit Harry..." Once the green flames disappeared, Snape jumped up and ran towards the hospital wing.   
  
When he got there he saw Harry doubled up over a trash bin, throwing up. "Got a little drunk huh?" Snape smirked when he walked over to Harry and sat at a chair beside him. Harry smiled up at the man, and laid back down.   
  
Snape, however, didn't smile back. "I've heard about you and Finnigan." he said, not looking at Harry. Harry hiccoughed and let out a small giggle. "That was quite fun..." he trailed off, throwing up into the trash bin again.   
  
"You were supposed to visit me tonight. Instead I got stuck with Malfoy." Snape sneered.  
  
"Jealous, Sevy?" Harry laughed.   
  
After looking to make sure no one was around to hear that little drunken pet name, Snape glared angrily at Harry. "Of course I am not jealous. I merely was waiting your explanations." he spat.   
  
"Are want to know why I kkiisseedd you last night?" Harry said in a childish tone.   
  
"Yes." Snape said firmly, fixing the collar in his robes, and looking around again to make sure no one was in the room. "Yes, tell me why Harry."  
  
"Maybe it's because you're sooo irresistible." the teenager giggled.  
  
"I would perhaps take that as a compliment if you weren't so drunk!" Snape said, standing up and making his way out of the door. "Please, don't leave me!" Harry begged for the second night in a row. The boys loneliness burned a soft spot in Snape's heart, for he too was lonely. Now, that Harry was drunk and alone in the hospital wing, he didn't have the will to leave his secret love alone.   
  
"Thank you." Harry breathed out when Snape walked back over to him.   
  
"Just try to get to sleep," the older man said, "you still have to go to class tomorrow."  
  
"Am I in trouble?" Harry asked, closing his eyes to prepare for sleep.  
  
"I don't know, I barely talked to Professor Dumbledore." he answered, taking the risk of reaching out and grabbing Harry's hand. Harry smiled and turned slightly to get comfortable before falling asleep. Snape sat there most of the night running his thumb along Harry's palm, feelings absolutely incredible.   
  
Harry awoke with a headache, however it barely fazed him. He was used to extremely worse migraines and such thanks to his scar. He felt something on his hand, and when he looked down he saw his hand entwined with Severus' and the man was passed out in his chair, his head resting face first into the side of Harry's bed.   
  
As great as it was to have someone stay with him all night, he needed to ruin the prefect moment. If someone where to walk in, there would be a lot of questions to answer that Harry was sure he didn't know how to. With that thought, he gently pulled his hand away and swung out of bed.   
  
Upon standing up his headache worsened, however he walked around to the other side of the bed and gently nudged Snape. "Severus, get up." he said quietly, and was shocked out of his mind when Snape flew up and pointed his wand at Harry.  
  
"Calm down, I was just waking you! Last time I ever try to help you. You could have hexed my head off!" Harry complained and backed away from the man.  
  
"S-Sorry..." Snape said, brushing off his robes. "Go get ready for class." he pushed by Harry and went to his quarters to change. Harry did the same thing and twenty minutes later he sat down next to Hermione in potions.   
  
"Feeling better?" she said with a tone that was half giggle half concern.   
  
"Yes, no thanks to you." Harry said, starting his potion.  
  
"What'd you expect me to do?!" she all but screamed.  
  
"For one, after practically forcing me to go to that party, you could have made sure I didn't get drunk off my ass. And after I was drunk you could have stop me from... interacting with Seamus in such ways." he whispered.   
  
"Harry... I'm sorry but you really needed it. You needed to loosen up and have some fun. It was for your own good, Harry." she finished with a smile.  
  
"Well I was doing just fine for once, and that almost ruined it!" he glared at her.   
  
Before she could retort, the professor walked in front of them. "How do you plan on finishing your potions if you don't even take the time to breathe in this endearing conversation your having." he hissed. Hermione instantly went back to chopped up her ingredients. Harry looked up at Snape with a look of hate plastered on his face but his eyes told the truth; 'Thank you'.   
  
Later that night Snape received a knock on his bedroom door. "Come in." he said, too lazy to get off of his bed to answer it. Thinking it was just Draco, he was surprised to see Harry Potter walk into his room. "Hullo." Harry said before walking over to the large chair and curling up in it.   
  
"What brings you here?" Snape asked, sitting up.   
  
"I couldn't stay away..." Harry half laughed, telling Snape it wasn't completely a lie.   
  
Not knowing what to say, Severus just smiled slightly.  
  
"Did you hear me and Hermione's conversation today?" asked Harry.  
  
"Parts of it. I'm glad to know that you didn't want to be in that situation." he said, just above a whisper. Harry smiled at him and sighed. It was too dark to see the boys eyes, he couldn't decipher Harry's emotions.   
  
With the wave of his hand he lit a few candles around the room, letting the light radiate through the room, brightening Harry's face. "That's better." Harry said what Snape was thinking, and started walking about the room. He started touching different bits and bobs around the room, searching Snape's identity away from class.   
  
"Ah, what's this!" Harry exclaimed, opening one a Snape's drawers.   
  
"Oh no..." the man slapped himself over the head for leaving it unlocked.   
  
"A little Harry Potter shire, perhaps?" Harry asked, pulling out a stack of news paper and magazine clippings. Every article and picture of Harry that was ever printed, some Harry hadn't even seen, were in there. He laughed and put them back before walking back over to the chair.  
  
"So, Potter, do you ever plan on telling me why you walked out the other night? I think you've found out quite enough about me now, I deserve a little information myself."   
  
"Maybe... if you stop calling me Potter!" he said firmly, but with a smile.  
  
"Fine...Harry...now tell me." he looked up in anticipation.  
  
"The truth?... well, I don't know why I kissed you in the first place, I suppose because I was catch up in the moment. I haven't felt good about myself in months, and when I read your journal... if it was like a major confident boost. Then I came here and it was almost like we were becoming friends. I'm sorry about it." Harry said, fiddling with his thumbs.   
  
"Don't be sorry, Harry." Snape said, and waved Harry on.  
  
"Right, of course you wouldn't be mad." Harry laughed and then continued, "Well after it happened I kind of thought that maybe it would have made you snap, that you would have yelled at me, and perhaps tell Dumbledore. I didn't want to get expelled, so I just ran."   
  
"I don't know that you can get expelled for that... but even if you could I wouldn't have told." Snape said with genuine smile. "Now tell me... what were you thinking while it was happening?"  
  
Harry sighed happily. "I never knew that so many thoughts could run through my mind within a split second." he laughed and tried to avoid explaining just how amazing he thought it was. "What about you?" he asked instead.  
  
"Me? You mean what was I feeling?" he asked, and Harry nodded. "Well... I'm not one to expose my feelings." he finished with a smirk.  
  
"Boy...do I know." Harry laughed thinking about the journal, and how Snape treated him trying to hide it all. He smiled and stood up, walking towards his potential lover. "Can I ask you a favor?" he asked, kneeling one leg on Snape's bed.   
  
"Any....anything." the man said, looking up at Harry.  
  
"Just...hug me." Harry said quietly.   
  
"...what..." Snape barely said.  
  
"Oh come on, we both know you want to. It's written in practically every entry in your journal." Harry teased. "...please..." Snape merely nodded and moved over. Harry sat down next to him on the bed and almost started crying as Severus took him in his arms, and cradled him tight. They sat like that for over five minutes until there was a loud knock on the door.  
  
"Snape! I need to talk to you!!"   
  
"Shit, Malfoy..." Severus said, and pushed Harry into his closet.   
  
!$!$! Well...what did you think? Was it okay for someone who started out half a sleep...then stopped to get six hours of sleep...and then came back with an empty stomach? lol well I'm going to go brew my potion...I mean...make Mac and cheese...yeeaah... see ya! Review!!! 


	4. Talking

!$!$! I was in the middle of updating "Room Mates" when I just couldn't stay away anymore and I just had to come back to this! And Courtney...I know I should have lack of sleep more often, however my parents were very mad that I was up all night...however I've still only had six hours of sleep and it's 10:25 at night and my parents aren't going to be back until about one in the morning...so I'll be reading and writing until such time! And to JW...I totally understand what you mean. I was very happy to hear what you said about Snape, trust me, it really helped me to feel okay with what I was writing. As for the whole editing thing. I know what they are for, and I think I came off a little angry before, but I was just tired... I don't take Fan Fiction writing as serious as I would if I was writing a real novel, so spelling mistakes and such really don't bother me much. On the other hand, the actual series I am writing (which is yet to be named...I really need to figure that out!) I would love to have edited some day, but I doubt it would have be published like the Goddess J.K.R Don't worry, you haven't offended me at all and I enjoy your reviews. lol, well I think I've typed enough of this... here I go...!$!$!  
  
-&- Chapter Four: Talking -&-  
  
"What is it that you need, Malfoy?" Snape asked, opening the door.   
  
"I need help on my damned Defense Against the Dark Arts essay. If I fail my dad is going to sent me to some happy-go-lucky American school!" Draco complained.  
  
"If I'm not mistaken you still have a few days until that is due. I'll help you tomorrow. I'm tired, goodnight." Snape said in an aggravated voice and slammed the door in Draco's face. When he heard the blonde walk away, he turned to the closet door.  
  
"Well are you coming out of the closet, Potter?" he said impatiently.   
  
"Maybe..." Harry said opening the door wearing a grin and flushed ears.  
  
"Very funny, Potter, however... I think you should go now." Snape said, pointing to the door.  
  
"What, why?!" Harry asked.  
  
"Before someone catches us." Snape said simply.  
  
"But we're not doing anything wrong!" Harry complained.  
  
"I still think you should go." Severus pressed on.  
  
"You know you don't want me to." Harry said, stepping out of the closet.  
  
"What I what is none of your concern." the older man said plainly.  
  
"If it's about me it is!" Harry said, trying not to get angry.  
  
Snape just looked at Harry, longing in his eyes, but his finger pointed at the door.   
  
"I refuse to leave. You'll have to drag me out kicking and screaming." Harry said, arms crossed.  
  
"That can be arranged." Snape paltered a smile on his face and picked Harry up.  
  
"I was kidding! Put me down!!!" Harry whined.   
  
He found himself being slung over Snape's shoulder. He punched his professors back as he was carried into the office. "I don't want to leave!" he cried out and sighed before resting his head upside down on Snape's back. "Please, Severus..."   
  
At being called by his first name, Snape's heart melted. He stood Harry back on his own feet, right in front of him. "Thank you!" Harry said overdramatically, then looked up at Snape.  
  
"You called me Severus." Snape said, barely a whisper.  
  
"It's your name isn't it?" Harry laughed "I think that with everything I know, it's a little hard to call you Professor Snape. Don't you remember me calling you Sevy last night?"  
  
"You were intoxicated." Snape said, finding his voice.  
  
"I still knew what I was doing." Harry said and leaned into Severus, resting his head on the man's torso. "Please let me stay here tonight." he said, wrapping his arms around Snape's waist.   
  
Not being able to deny the boy he loved of anything, he sighed and walked backwards towards his bedroom, dragging Harry with him, who was still attached to his waist. After bumping into a few walked he made it to his chair and plopped down. "What's wrong with you, Potter?" he asked as Harry made himself comfortable on the floor.  
  
"What do you mean?" Harry titled his head to the side and looked up.   
  
"You never once seemed appalled at my...er...affection for you, you kissed me, then you ran away, then are wanted me to hug you... and every night you beg not to be left alone. What's wrong?" he asked again. Harry looked up at the ceiling and sighed.   
  
"I don't know..." he said, shaking his head. "I'll I'm sure of is that I'm tired of being alone. I have no one anymore, not even Ron and Hermione. They don't understand me..." he felt tears coming to his eyes at the thought of everything that's happened over the best years since he found out he was a wizard. With so much good came even more bad...  
  
"Harry..." Severus said, falling to the floor and pulling Harry into his arms. Harry cried on his shoulder for almost an hour. Half way through the tear fest, they had moved to the chair where Harry sat on Snape's lap, confessing his life story to the man.   
  
"I never knew... Dumbledore always told everyone that it was your own business and that it wasn't up to him to tell anyone the details of your life. He wouldn't even tell Lupin if he asked for information." Snape said when Harry was done talking, and his tears stopped flowing. Severus wiped away his love's tears and took his hand. He felt so comfortable with Harry in his lap. Everything felt right with the world, even if what they were talking about wasn't.   
  
"I'm so tired..." he mumbled, too weak to even keep his eyes open anymore.   
  
Snape smiled down at the sleepy boy and carried him to the bed. Walking back to the chair, where he planned on sleeping, he heard Harry let out a small groan. "What's wrong?" he said, turning quickly. Harry's eye were open again, and he looked awfully sad.   
  
"Lay with me..." he said quietly.   
  
"Harry, I don't think that's such a good idea." Snape said, barely aware that he called the boy Harry for once. He just couldn't help it, he looked so adorable laying there, he couldn't yell at him now.  
  
"You know you want to..." Harry said sleepily, a smile forming on his face.   
  
Snape sighed and began putting multiple locking spells on his door and fireplace, not wanting to be caught in bed with one of his student; especially Harry Potter. He crawled into the bed, laying as far away from Harry as possible.   
  
'Okay, so he's going to play hard to get.' Harry thought with a sigh and rolled over to his professor, resting his head on the man's chest.   
  
Snape felt in heaven with the boy sleeping on him. He pulled his arm out from under his body and wrapped it around Harry, trying to get comfortable. He didn't sleep that night. All he did was play with Harry's raven locks of hair, and watch the boy's head raise and fall on his chest.   
  
When Harry woke up in the morning he smiled up at Severus. "Sleep well?" he asked the older man, snuggling more into his side."  
  
"Not at all, but it's okay, I've stayed up days at a time before." he answered.  
  
"No wonder why you're always so grumpy!" Harry exclaimed and sighed, he didn't want the leave the safety and comfort of Severus' arms, but he knew it was almost time for breakfast, and than classes. "I better get going." he said and gave Snape a hug before standing up.   
  
Snape let out a slight laugh at the sight of how overly messy Harry's hair was and said goodbye.  
  
"Morning you two." Harry said happily sitting across from Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table, after cleaning up and changing. They were shocked to see him so happy again, but smiled. Harry ate a huge breakfast and then headed off to all of his classes.   
  
That night at dinner, he smiled up at Snape who didn't seem to be eating, but just looking out over the students. His eyes caught Harry's, and he started to smile, but stopped himself. Harry smiled back, understanding that Snape didn't want the whole school to know that he was in love with the Golden Boy.  
  
Harry ate a few steamed carrots, but he was way too stuffed from the breakfast still to eat. He left dinner early and headed back to him dormitory to gather some things for another sleep over with Severus. He took a bath and changed into some jeans (the tightest he could find, because he knew Snape liked that) and an emerald sweater.   
  
"Moving in?" Snape laughed when he saw Harry walk into his bed quarters with a bag of clothes and hygienic items. He took the bag from Harry and threw it onto his wardrobe.   
  
"I just don't feel like making another dash to the Gryffindor tower in the morning, so I brought some things along. It'll be like a real sleep over!" Harry exclaimed, curling up in the chair.   
  
"Only that you weren't invited." Snape laughed .  
  
"Fine, then I'll leave!" Harry said, brokenhearted, and made to grab his bag and leave.  
  
"Oh, sit down, Potter." Snape said, pushing the boy back down. He then laid on his bed, reading The Evening Profit.   
  
"Anything about me in there?" Harry asked.  
  
"A little conceded, are we Potter?" Snape asked, throwing his paper to the floor.  
  
"You begin to be when you're famous." Harry joked, but sighed sadly hoping that he would never see his picture in the news again. "What's with you and Malfoy?" Harry asked, changing the subject.   
  
"Jealous, Potter?" Snape asked with a hopeful smile.  
  
"Maybe. Should I be?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.   
  
"No, he merely comes to me for help and companionship. Don't worry, he won't bother us tonight. I helped him with his essay during lunch, and I told him I'd be busy tonight." Snape smiled.  
  
"So... then you where expecting me!" Harry nearly screamed in a 'Hah!' tone.   
  
"I was hopeful of your arrival." he responded said calmly. "Can I ask you anything?" he asked, sitting up and leaning against the wall.   
  
"Sure." Harry said, getting up and sitting next to Severus.  
  
"Why are you here?" he asked gently, not trying to sound rude.  
  
"I guess..." Harry sighed trying to find the right words, "that I feel complete around you. I haven't been very happy lately. I can't talk bring myself to burden my friends with my pain, they wouldn't understand anyway. As much as Myrtle does help, all she ever does is flirt with me. However flattering that is, it kind of creeps me out. She is dead, after all. I've never felt loved in my life. My parents died when I was young. I barely got to know Sirius before he was ripped from me. Although I have my friends and the Weasleys, I've always just wanted someone to truly care for me...like you do." he smiled over at Severus before walking on his knees to get closer to the man.   
  
"I'm glad I can help to make you happy." Snape said quietly, and wrapped an arm around Harry's waist in a half hug. He started to pull his arm away, but Harry wrapped his arm behind him and pulled Snape's hand back around his waste. "Hold me." Harry commanded and leaned his head and Snape's shoulder.   
  
"Tell me, Harry," Severus began but stopped and smiled, liking using Potter's first name. "what's going on between us. Are you using me to make yourself feel better, or are you actually starting to fancy me. I need to know, I don't want to build myself up for something that's never going to happen."   
  
"Although I does feel good to have someone love me, I can not say that is all this is. I do think I'm starting to fancy you Severus Snape." Harry said with a gulp, he was now not only admitting his sexuality out loud, but also that he was falling for his professor that he was supposed to hate. He looked up to see a dreamy smile on Severus' face.  
  
Seeing that Snape's three year long dream had finally come true, Harry smiled up at him and let a small giggle escape his lips. This was definitely going to be an interesting year.   
  
!$!$! Well...I did want to continue this chapter farther...but I have to go to a party soon and I still have to shower and get ready, so I decided to post this instead of making you all wait another day... I hope you liked it... please, please, please!!! Review! Thanks! mwah! !$!$! 


	5. Reconnecting

!$!$! Wow...so I had a really exciting crazy night last night and I didn't even end up getting home...so I'm glad I posted before I left! Any who... when I came home I realized that I was totally out of it when I wrote the last chapter, and I totally forgot what I wrote! So I reread it and found there was a lot of crazy spelling mistakes that hopefully I will fix if I'm not too lazy later on. Anyway, you all seemed to like the chapter still! And as for the complaint on them being to short...I'll try with all of my might to make them longer! And one in particular will be but I'm not sure exactly when in the future that will be, depending on the details that I add... anyway...I do actually have a plan for this story! For once! lol so...here I go!$!$!  
  
-&- Chapter Five: Reconnecting -&-  
  
After about an hour of small talk and reminisce on the past, Harry and Severus had managed to lay down together, preparing for sleep. "So tell me, Harry, what did you really think about the night of snogging you shared with Finnigan?" Snape asked, hoping it had meant nothing to Harry.  
  
"Are you still on about that?" Harry joked and then said, seriously, "Severus, I was drunk. I was just having a little well earned fun. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I'm not sorry that I did it. Getting drunk and making out really broke me out of my shell. Now I'm ready for you." he winked at the older man and took his hand in his own.   
  
"I'm glad to hear that." Severus smiled and rolled over, ready to go to sleep. Harry discarded his glasses on the bed stand and wrapped an arm around Severus' body. Snape rolled around again to find himself nose to nose with Harry. "Did I ever tell you how sexy you look with out your glasses on?" he said shyly.   
  
"No, it wasn't even in your journal. Should we make it eleven things you love about me then?" Harry responded looking into Severus' eyes, never blinking.   
  
"Harry, I love so many things about you that if I started counting I'd be in hell before I could finish!" Snape said, staring back at Harry.  
  
"What makes you think you're going to hell?" Harry asked sadly.  
  
"Come on, Potter, I'm a fucking Death Eater." he said with a sigh.  
  
"Severus, you're spying for the good side now! You're better than them! You're making up for your sins! You are a great person, never let anyone tell you other wise." Harry said, smiling. Severus smiled back, and felt his heart melt happily at Harry's words. As they continued to stare into each other's eyes, Snape looked away nervously and rolled back over, going to sleep.  
  
"Severus', wake up!" Harry said hours later.   
  
"Mmmph..." was the response he got.   
  
"Sevy, get up!" Harry shoved him and pulled the blankets off of his potions master.  
  
When Snape wouldn't budge Harry straddled himself on top of the man and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. His eyes opened immediately, a smile on his face. "I thought that would get you up." Harry said and rolled off of him. After finishing putting on his shoes Harry left Severus to get ready for the day.   
  
After potions class Snape called Harry behind. He checked to make sure everyone was gone before saying, "Harry, I have to leave for a few days right after we talk. I'll be back Sunday or Monday. Dumbledore needs to me do something for him. Take care of yourself while I'm gone, and sorry that I won't be able to help you with that essay like I promised, but hey...I'll be grading it I'll just let it slide and teach you when I get back." he smiled down at Harry.  
  
"Be careful, Sevy." Harry said, worriedly, before hugging the man he was falling in love with and leaving the room quickly. Upon sitting down to lunch at the Gryffindor table Ron said, "Harry, I need to talk to you." Worrying about his friend Harry looked up and said, "I'm all ears!"  
  
"I'm worried about you. You've been in the hospital wing, then you were missing for two nights, and you haven't scheduled anymore Quidditch practices. The first game, against Slytherin, is in two weeks!" Ron said nervously.  
  
"Ron, I was in the hospital wing because I was drunk. I'm fine now. I wasn't missing, I was just...away. I'll be around tonight, I swear. As for Quidditch...I've just had other things on my mind. I'll tell the team we'll have practice both Saturday AND Sunday this weekend. Clam down about the game, we have plenty of time. Are you going to finish that?" Harry said, pointing at Ron's chicken wings.   
  
Ron shook his head and gave them to Harry, with a smile on his face, glad he had his best friend back. "By the way, Seamus thinks you're avoiding him." Ron said, "He thinks he's the reason you haven't been around at night."   
  
"I'll fix things with him. Trust me, I'm not in the least bit avoiding him. Anyway, I'm going to grab the rest of my books, care to come?" he asked Ron and Hermione who followed him out of the Great Hall.   
  
"What did Snape want from you, mate?" Ron asked as they walked along the corridors.   
  
"Just to tell me how stupidly I wrote my last essay." Harry lied.  
  
"Figures," Hermione joined in, "He's always putting people down!"  
  
"Yeah..." Harry said, arriving at the portrait hole, trying not to get angry. They didn't know the real Severus. He probably would have started in on complaining too if he hadn't have found that journal.   
  
That night after dinner and homework, Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville walked up the stairs to their dormitory talking excitedly. Everyone was really glad to have Harry back, and Seamus was relieved to find out Harry didn't hate him   
  
"So where've you been Harry?" Dean asked, popping a lemon drop in his mouth.  
  
"Just... you know, around." Harry said.  
  
"It's fine if you don't want to talk about it, but it really is bugging us." Seamus said.  
  
"Yeah, it's very mysterious, Harry." Neville piped up.  
  
"Guys... relax." Harry said with a smile and started playing a few matches of Wizards Chess with Ron. After loosing all but one of the games Harry laid down in bed, wishing he could have Severus' worth around him.   
  
"It's good to have you back, mate." said Ron, acting as if Harry had been gone for years.  
  
"It's good to be back." Harry said, secretly wanting to sneak down to Severus' room just to smell his scent and feel his presents.   
  
The next day Dumbledore taught potions. This didn't really bother Harry, because for once he was treated good and Malfoy wasn't allowed to get away with anything. Of Course Draco was very pissed, having Dumbledore teach his favorite class.   
  
That night things went pretty much the same, there was another party, but none of Harry's friends felt like going and making fools of themselves again. Harry would have refused to go anyway, he didn't want to betray Severus.   
  
The boys played games, joked, and talked all night, catching Harry up on a lot that he had missed in two nights time. Later Ginny and Hermione came in, occupying Dean and Ron, so Neville, Harry, and Seamus teased the couples to death.   
  
On Saturday, the next morning, the Gryffindor Quidditch team awoke bright and early. Harry gave the same instructions he had the time before, hoping Seamus and Colin's buldgers wouldn't hurt him now that he knew just how Snape felt for him. He was lucky, his mind was totally on the game again.   
  
He wasn't as lucky on Sunday. He noticed that Severus wasn't back at breakfast, and it worried him. Although, in the back of his mind he knew that Snape had told him he might not be back until Monday. His concentration was messed up, so he gave different orders. He brought out flying dummies that he let Seamus and Colin practice hitting at while he watched the rest of the team practice and gave them tips.   
  
When he went to class on Monday to find Dumbledore still teaching them, he nearly got into a panic, but calmed himself down by hoping Snape would be back later. He wasn't at lunch, he wasn't at dinner. He wasn't even at breakfast the next morning  
  
Harry didn't have potions on Tuesday, and he knew Severus wasn't back yet, because he hadn't shown up for lunch or dinner that day. Starting to get really worried he barely talked anymore. Walking back to the Gryffindor tower with Ron and Hermione after dinner they turned a corner to see Snape walking towards them.  
  
Ron let out a groan. He had been telling Harry he hoped Snape had died and was never coming back. Harry wanted to jump on Severus and hug him and never let him leave again, but he knew he couldn't. As the potions professor walked by the three friends the let a small secret smile cover his face.  
  
"I think I left my astronomy book in Great Hall. I'll catch up with you guys later...no don't bother coming." Harry said as Ron opened his mouth to say something. He sped off down the hallway and caught up with Snape just as he was entering his bed chambers.  
  
"Damn you walk fast!" Harry said, panting.   
  
Severus laughed and invited Harry in.  
  
"Don't you EVER do that to me again!" Harry said refraining from slapping Snape in the face.  
  
"What?" he asked, looking down at Harry.  
  
"You had me so worried!" Harry said, realizing he sounded like Mrs. Weasley, he laughed and laid on Severus' bed. Snape sat down in the chair and smiled at Harry.  
  
"I feel so loved." He said, placing a hand on his heart in joke.  
  
"Well... you are..." Harry blushed.  
  
Severus nearly choked and said, "Well, I'm sorry. The information Dumbledore needed took longer than expected to get. I couldn't just ask the Dark Lord, that would have been insane. He probably would have killed me. I needed to snoop around." he finished, looking at Harry's sad face. Harry had lost his whole family to Voldemort, he didn't want to hear about Severus possibly dieing too.  
  
Snape sighed and smiled at Harry. "I'm fine, though, he didn't catch me. I won't have to do something like that again for a long time." he reassured Harry and sat on the bed next to the lying Harry, and started playing with the teens hair.   
  
Harry grabbed Severus' arm and pulled him down on top of him. "I missed you so much!" he said, wrapping his arms around the man, holding their chests together. "I missed sleeping with you, holding you, even talking to you." Harry whispered.   
  
They were so close that Severus could feel Harry's breathe hit him, it smelled like spearmint. He squirmed slightly, but Harry's strong grip kept him in tact.   
  
"Why are you so nervous?" Harry asked, holding on tighter.  
  
"I just thought...I might squish you." he said.  
  
"Liar." Harry said softly, and rolled Snape to his side. Harry too rolled, to face Severus, but kept his arms wrapped tightly around his potions professor.  
  
"I just... I mean... Harry, I've never really kissed anyone before. I mean there was this once that I got drunk in Spain, but that was with a female. I'm just not into that. I really love you Harry, and I don't want to mess anything up." he said, surprising himself. He had never said this out loud to anyone. He had never spoke the words 'I love you.' to anyone. Harry smiled at him.  
  
"Well, Sevy, other than a quick kiss from Cho and that fling with Seamus, I too have never been kissed. Either of those matter to me." Harry ran his fingers through Snape's hair for the first time, and was surprised to find that it didn't feel greasy at all. It was soft, silky, shiny, and...wonderful.   
  
"I'm falling in love with you Severus Snape, fast. Both of our lives are too risky to spend another second without kissing you." Harry exclaimed and pulled Snape's head into his own. Their lips met in heaven again and Harry pulled away to let Severus get some air, considering he was attacked unexpectedly, because kissing him again.   
  
Harry let his hand continue to run through Snape's blissful hair as he licked up and down the man's lips. Snape opened his mouth and stuck his own tongue in Harry's mouth. If a simple kiss on the lips was heaven, what they felt now what unexplainable.   
  
As their tongues swam around together like sweet candy, they lost track of time and breathe. What seemed like hours (really about ten minutes later) they broke apart, resting their foreheads together as they panted. "Harry..." Snape breathe, rubbing Harry's back.  
  
Harry opened his eyes and looked into Severus'. "Yes?" he said quietly, returning the back rub.   
  
"We can't do this..." Snape said, resting his hand on Harry's thigh.  
  
"I don't see why not. I love you, you love me. There is no problem." Harry said, playing with Severus' hair. He kissed the man on the lips, but he pulled away.  
  
"Harry, Dumbledore would flip if he found out. This is against school rules, I looked it up." Snape whispered. Harry could have swore there were tears forming in the professor's eyes.   
  
"Sevy, I'm Dumbledore's favorite student. I'm the boy who lived for Merlin's sake!" Harry said, wiping a single tear off of Snape's cheek.   
  
"He could fire me Harry. Even if he doesn't want to... if this leaks and the school governors find out, we're both toast. And then it'll seep into the news, and Voldemort will find out. I'll be murdered. Everyone will torture you, Harry." he said, sitting up and curling against the wall.  
  
"We just won't tell anymore. We'll be careful. No one has to know." Harry said, moving closer to Snape and hugging him tightly. "I know you've wanted this for years now. I love you, Severus, you can't take this away from me now." he kissed Snape again and wiped the tears away from both of their eyes.  
  
"I love you too Harry, but I just have a bad feeling about this, no matter how much I want to be with you." Snape said, but contrary to what he said he forced Harry down and started kissing him.  
  
Little did that know this whole time that someone over heard just about everything they were saying.   
  
!$!$! Omgosh! I love you Ray! Okay thanks to my friend Ray I think I have the whole story figured out now instead of just little pieces that I was trying to tape together with an imaginary twist that I hadn't made up yet! lol well....until next time...review! 


	6. Confessing

!$!$! I just got done reading a great Harry/Severus story called "Trust" read it! It's great! lol anyway...that's why I haven't updated...I spent the last three days reading that stories 35 chapters...and helping Ray with something. So anyway... here goes nothing!$!$!  
  
After the short make out session, Harry pushed Severus off of him and wrapped the older mans arms around his body. "I love you Sevy, but now I need sleep." he laughed and curled against his newfound boyfriend.   
  
Severus wanted to tell Harry that he loved him back, but his doubts about the relationship overran his mind and he just hugged the boy tightly before falling into a dreamless sleep.  
  
The next morning Harry woke up and walked along the cold dungeon floor to the door. He turned back and looked at Severus, he looks so... normal, when he's asleep, Harry mused. He walked back to the Gryffindor Tower and slipping into bed, hoping he could lie to Ron and say he came back after the rest had fallen asleep.  
  
Two hours later Harry woke again due to a slight push from Ron. "Harry mate, what happened to you last night?" Ron asked, sitting on the edge of Harry's bed.  
  
"When I went to get my book I ran into..." Harry searched quickly for a name, "Nearly Headless Nick, and we talked for some time." he lied.   
  
"Oh... well get up, I'm starving!" Ron exclaimed and set too to the bath room to freshen up. Harry followed him and after brushing his hair and teeth he changed and walked with his friends to the Great Hall.   
  
"Oh Harry, I'm so glad that you've been around again." Hermione nearly brusted with happiness as she hugged her friend tight. "We've all missed you so much those few days you disappeared!"   
  
Harry felt guilt land on him. His friends had missed him, and it was only a few nights. He still saw them in classes. He was wrong about them, they really did love him. However, it didn't change the way he felt about Severus.   
  
"I didn't disappear," Harry laughed and hugged Hermione back quickly. "I just can't tell you where I was. But there's no need to worry about me. Now let's eat!" he said excitedly, trying to distract his friends from asking anymore questions.  
  
Later that night Harry sat in the chair, on Severus' lap, wrapped in the mans arms. They had been talking for some time about their situation. They agreed that they wanted to be a couple, but not to tell anyone. Harry had agreed that every other night he would sleep in Gryffindor Tower, so that he could still spend some time with his friends, and lesson the suspicion.   
  
Severus kissed Harry on top of his messy black hair and felt a familiar pain in his left arm. He winced and kissed Harry's head again. "I'm sorry, but I have to go." he said and slid out from underneath Harry before exciting the room.   
  
When he returned back about an hour later, Harry watched him walk over to the bed and sit down. Harry kneeled in front of Severus and pulled back the sleeve of the man's robes. "Does it hurt?" Harry asked, looking at the throbbing Dark Mark.   
  
"When he calls." Snape replied, trying to throw his sleeve back down. However, Harry had done what he was trying to avoid. The boy's eyes wandered down to the man's wrists.   
  
"Sev..." Harry looked up into Snape's eyes.   
  
"We'll talk about it when I get back." he said and started packing some clothes.  
  
"Back from where?" Harry asked sadly and sat on the bed.  
  
"I'm going on a mission for Voldemort." he whispered, as if not really wanting Harry to hear it. When he was done packing he walked over to the bed and pulled Harry to his feet. "This will be a considerable amount more dangerous than the thing I did last for Dumbledore, however I most go. I'm not sure when I will be back, but it won't be more than two weeks-"  
  
"Two weeks!?!" Harry protested.  
  
"I'm sorry, I really am. You know that I must go, The Order is depending on me for information. I'll be back as soon as I can." he kissed Harry on the forehead and hugged him tight.  
  
"Be careful, Severus, I don't want to loose you..." Harry whispered and hugged his boyfriend back. He planted a kiss on Snape's lips before he walked out of the door.   
  
Harry sighed and headed to the Gryffindor Tower, he would be spending more time there, after all.   
  
Three days later Snape hadn't returned. Harry set off to the showers after Quidditch practice, fore it had been raining badly and he was trenched in mud. He stood in the shower and let the hot water run of his body unceremoniously. He had a few scrapes and bruises and tingled with pain when the drops of steaming H2O hit them. 'I miss you already Severus...' he thought and fell to the floor of the shower.   
  
He sat there, nearly drowning in the water, for twenty minutes, just thinking. He couldn't believe how fest he fell for his professor of potions. He couldn't believe how quickly he accepted the idea of being gay. 'It's meant to be...' the thought as he stood up and turned off the water.  
  
That night after dinner he was walking out of the Great Hall with his gang of friends with he felt a soft touch on his shoulder. Wishing it was Severus, he flung around to find his elderly headmaster.   
  
"Sir..." Harry said, nodding his head.   
  
"I'd like to speak with you in my office, Harry." Dumbledore said and led the boy to his stair case. "Strawberry Gum Drops." he spoke and they rode up to the oak door.   
  
Upon sitting in front of Professor Dumbledore's desk, Harry turned to the man with confusion on his face. "Biscuit?" he offered a basket to Harry, who took one.  
  
"I've been informed, Mr. Potter, of a relationship between a certain Boy Who Lived and my loyal Professor of Potions." Dumbledore said calmly, with a smile.  
  
Harry choked on his biscuit and felt his heart sink into a dark pit. He didn't say anything, he feared that anything he voiced could only make matters worse. When the headmaster refused to say anything, Harry finally spoke up.  
  
"Who told you this?" he asked weakly.  
  
"The person, who wishes to remain anonymous, thinks that I should break this up." Dumbledore responded, dropping his smile.   
  
"Sir, please tell me who told you this!" Harry demanded, feeling his temper rise.  
  
"I do no know, Harry. There was a note left for me. It was typed on a typewriter, therefore I can not distinguish you it came from. I only wish to know if this is true." he asked, smiling again, slightly.  
  
Harry didn't know what to do. He could never lie to Dumbledore, he trusted the man with his life. However, he and Severus could get into trouble. Even if they didn't, he would be breaking his promise with him, and Severus might never forgive him. Something deep inside of Harry told him he had to tell Dumbledore. He nodded.  
  
"Splendid! Simply splendid!" The headmaster exclaimed, no hint of sarcasm in his voice.   
  
"Sir... I...I don't think I understand...." Harry said, still weakly, trying to understand.  
  
"I think that it's great that Severus has -finally- found someone for himself!" Dumbledore smiled and offered Harry another biscuit, he turned it down.   
  
"B-But, Sir... it's against school policy!" Harry said, still confused.  
  
"You sound as if you wish for me to break you two up." now it was the older man's turned to be confused.  
  
"No, Sir, no! Far from it! I just... I don't get it, why are you discarding the rules?" Harry asked.  
  
"Harry, surly you don't expect me to fire Severus? He's the best potion maker in all of England! Besides, it'd be very hard to find another professor, why do you think I do not allow him to become the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher? And you, Harry Potter, have suffered enough in your life, as has Severus. The two of you deserve some happiness for once." he smiled.  
  
"Thank you so much, Professor." Harry restrained himself from leaping at the man and hugging him. "Thank you so very much!"   
  
Dumbledore clapped his hands together and said, "You are really welcome my dear boy, but I must be going now. I'm due for my weekly trip to Honeydukes. You wouldn't want my sweet tooth to suffer, would you?" Harry laughed and shook his head before exiting the crazy headmaster's office.   
  
One week later Harry sat on his bed reading through "Which Weekly". Severus was still not back. Harry was starting to become worried. 'This will be a considerable amount more dangerous than the thing I did last for Dumbledore...' Snape's words ran through Harry's mind. Then the picture of his love's wrists came into his mind. There were scars, which seemed to be from some pretty deep cuts.   
  
Harry hoped that wherever Severus was, that he was okay and that he knew Harry loved him.  
  
Finally, two days after that, Snape came back to the school. He was sporting a sprained ankle, a bruised cheek, and tons of bandages. Harry ran into Severus' room as soon as he heard about it from Neville. He saw his boyfriend limping over to his bed, using a cane.  
  
"Sevy!" he cried out and helped the man lay down.   
  
"Hey there." Snape smiled up at him once he was laid down.  
  
"We need to talk." Harry said, sitting next to him.  
  
Snape's smile turned to a worried look.  
  
"First I need to tell you..." Harry gulped, "That Dumbledore knows."  
  
"What?!" Severus screamed, and tried to sit up, but fell down coughing.   
  
"It's okay, he's fine with it, more like he's ecstatic about it! I just want to know who told him..." Harry's faded out as he pondered who on Earth could have told.  
  
"Well... we still have to be careful. If he school governors find out, I'll still be in trouble, but I'm glad to have Albus' support." Severus smiled weakly, and relaxed.   
  
"Now, onto something more important." Harry said, lifting Severus' left sleeve. "Tell me where these came from." he kissed the scars gently.   
  
"They're old and unimportant." Severus said softly and closed his eyes.  
  
"Sevy, please..." Harry whined.  
  
Severus opened his eyes again and stared into Harry's worried pools of emerald. He sighed and sat up, painfully. "I'm not suicidal, Harry, if that's what you're thinking." he said and held Harry's hands. Harry's worried eyes calmed down a little.   
  
"Then what is it, who hurt you like this?" he asked, rubbing the scars with his thumbs.  
  
"My father..." Severus cast his eyes downwards.  
  
"What?!" Harry screamed, "How could any parent do that?!" He kissed Severus' cheek and looked up at him, waiting for a response.  
  
"It was many years ago... during the summer before my fifth year here at Hogwarts. My father couldn't stand me anymore. He slit my wrists, hoping that people would think I killed myself, and he wouldn't be convicted. However... I lived. Albus came to my rescue after I had been bleeding for almost too long. I was brought back here, where I have lived since. I became the Potions Master just four years after graduating. My father was sent to Azkaban where he rotted for ten years. He died two months before he was to be released. I'm glad..." he finished, waiting for Harry to say something.   
  
The boy didn't speak, but he threw himself at Severus and embraced him tightly. "I...never knew..." he whispered into his boyfriend's ear. "I'm so sorry... gosh Sevy, I'm sorry." he rocked the man back and forth, comforting him, it couldn't be easy remembering something like that. He had probably never told anyone.   
  
"Yes...well, it's not your fault. But if you don't mind...get the hell off of me!!!" Snape bellowed.  
  
Harry pulled away and looked back at him with hurt eyes. Then he realized that his lover was in dire pain. "Sorry." he laughed and helped Severus lay back down. "So what happened?" he asked, pulling a potion for pain release off of a shelf and handed it to Severus.  
  
"The usual, Voldemort trying to recruit evil doers." Snape laughed with a cough.  
  
"What kind of evil doers?" Harry asked and kissed his boyfriend.  
  
"Dragons, those damned beasts!" Severus pulled off on of his bandages to reveal burn marks.  
  
"Oh, Severus!" Harry said worriedly and kissed the burns.   
  
"With the fire, horns, and talons...well let's just say I had a few close calls." he kissed Harry. "But I knew I had to come back to you." he kissed him again. "Anyway, I accidentally on perhaps caused a huge catastrophe. Of course, The Dark Lord wasn't very happy about this, so he used a few curses on me, however... I'm fine now. Can we go to sleep?" he yawned and pulled Harry down into the bed.   
  
"I've missed you so much Severus!" Harry said and curled up next to the man.  
  
"I have missed you to, Potter, and I love you, Harry." he smiled as he planted a soft kiss on Harry's lips before closing his eyes. Before he fell to sleep, he laid awake a few minutes, pondering why he had been called away so suddenly just as someone told Dumbledore about he and Harry.  
  
!$!$! Well...one person guessed just about everyone that it could possibly be that was spying on our little couple...I will tell you that it was on your list! So...anyway... what did you guys think? The next chapter will be the longest one yet! So....enjoy! Review! mwah!!!!$!$! 


	7. Lying

!$!$! Well... I just received about four or five flames. Now I must say that I learning to handle them, but it still hurts to be called an idiot, moron, and such... at least this person didn't insult my state like others have. Anyway, I must say that no, Gryffindor is not my favorite house. Slytherin is. And I do understand the books. I've read everyone of them multiple times. Snape is soft in this story because he's in love! In the books he most certainly is not, at least not from our point of view. By saying that he would go back into character, I didn't mean completely, and that time hasn't come yet, therefore you couldn't have spotted it yet. I think you've misunderstood me. I am sorry that you seem to think that the fact of me being fifteen makes me stupid, but you don't know me at all. And you would be right about one thing, don't read my story if you don't like it. It's simple really. I've never trashed a story, and I never will, because we all have different tastes. If you didn't like it from the beginning, then why would you continue to read it? It's a waste of time. If you are reading this now, I must say that you are a totally foul critic that can just get lost. Now that my spirits are totally down, I will try to continue this story the best I can....just because I care about those who do like this story.!$!$!

"Harry, you know I have to go!" Severus argued with the boy two weeks later. Voldemort was sending him on another mission. Harry didn't want him to go, he didn't want to miss him again, to worry for him again. "It's not even like this one is that dangerous." he said, trying to reassure his boyfriend.

"Sevy, I can't stand it. Why can't you just quit the Death Eaters?" Harry whined.

"And die? No thank you." he laughed. He finished packing for his week's travel and kissed Harry's lips. "I'll be back soon. Don't worry about me, just have fun with your friends." with that he left.

Harry felt dead inside. It had been over a week and Severus still wasn't back. Something had to have gone wrong. He wanted to ask Dumbledore if he had heard from him, but he knew the headmaster would be suspicious of why he would care about Professor Snape.

"Harry, mate, what's wrong?" Ron asked as they sat around the dorm playing chess. Harry had been staring off into space, and wasn't taking his turn. Ron had took advantage of that and took some extra moves, but now he was starting to worry about his friend.

"Huh?...oh...nothing. I was just thinking." Harry said and took his turn. "HEY! YOU'VE CHEATED!" he catch on and kicked Ron under the table.

"Couldn't help myself." Ron said innocently and cleared the board. "I'm ready for bed anyway."

Harry nodded in agreement and crawled into his own bed. He missed sleeping with Severus. He was used to his warmth. He wanted that strong arm wrapped around him and the smell of herbs and potions surrounding him. He missed the man so much.

Two days later Harry sat on the sofa in the common room, staring into the fire. Ron sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Harry, you've got to tell me what's going on in your life. You can't just shut me out! You've been disappearing for nights at a time, we've barley been talking, and now you're always zoning out." his best friend said softly.

"It's nothing Ron."

"Nothing?" Ron almost laughed. How could it be nothing? "I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and if you want to talk about it...well I'll listen."

Harry only nodded.

Two weeks...two weeks and he wasn't back. Something had to be seriously wrong. He couldn't stand being away from his boyfriend anymore. Harry snuck down to the dungeons in the middle of the night and went to Severus' dorm.

He inhaled all of the left over scent. He calmed down a little. He was still worried, but he knew Severus could handle himself. There was a book on the end table by the bed. He crawled in and picked it up, thinking it was something Severus was reading.

How wrong was he...it was another journal.

Dear Journal,

I can't believe the child is such a fool. He really believes that I am in love with me. I, Severus Snape, Potions Master at the most prestigious wizarding school in the world, in love with Harry Potter? Hah! The kid must be on drugs.

Today I was talking to Draco Malfoy, now that is a normal student. At least he isn't naive. His father surely as brought him up right. I have yet to tell Harry that Draco is my godchild... it'll surely piss him off! Oh I can't wait to see the look on his face. Mind games are so much fun. And what, you ask, are these mind games leading to?

Let's see...there's always some great sex that I could get out of it. I may just be playing with him, but it doesn't mean that I'm not gay! I suppose he could be good in bed, he's handsome enough. Besides, he's so determined, I'm sure he has some great techniques, if you know what I mean!

After I've had my go with him, I'll turn him into the Dark Lord and watch him suffer for awhile. Then my master will kill him and nothing will stand in his way anymore. Oh, Severus, you will be greatly rewarded for this outstanding plan of yours. I mustn't let anyone know, other than my master. If anyone finds out that might tell him...everything could be ruined.

What will I do after the plan is over? I'll take my gifts from my lord and live a wonderful life. I won't have to put up with that menacing Potter anymore, and perhaps his friends will be too shocked at his death to annoy me anymore. Life will be good...

Then I'll go and get myself a real Bloke... maybe someone I already know like that delicious Lucius Malfoy. Or... Well, I kind of like the idea of having someone younger. I could always go for Draco Malfoy, after all he looks almost just like his father, but a little more feminine like his mother...however I can like a girly-man sometimes.

I should go now, I'm leaving soon for another journey with my lord.

Evilly yours,

Severus.

Harry wiped his tears away. This couldn't be true. It had to be a joke. Severus loved him. He loved him! He was only a spy for Voldemort! He's on Dumbledore's side...he just had to be! He couldn't stand to be in the room anymore. He took the journal with him and ran back to his dorm.

"Harry, is that you?" Ron asked as he saw the door open but no one seemed to come in. He heard a sob and then Harry pulled his invisibility cloak off of him and fell into Ron's arms on the redhead's bed. "Harry?" Ron asked. He didn't know what to do. He had never hugged his best friend before. He had most definitely never even seen Harry cry.

"Ron... I'm such an idiot!" was all Harry said before crying even harder.

"Shh..." Ron said soothingly. "You'll wake the others. Let's go downstairs."

Harry nodded and got off of his friend. He managed to hide the journal and his cloak in his truck before going downstairs. "So," Ron said as he sat in a chair. "What's going on?"

Harry sighed as he laid on the couch, holding his head in his hands. "I can't tell you everything. Let me just say that I was seeing someone." Was... it seems so final. "I can't tell you who, but I care deeply for them. However, I just found out that they've only been using me. They never liked me."

"Who is it Harry. You can tell me."

"No... I can't."

"Okay, well... how do you know they've been using you?"

"I found their journal and well...it explained it all."

"Oh, there's no excuse for that. People don't lie to their journals!"

...'Besides for in the first one I found.' Harry thought with a sigh.

"Harry, whoever hurt you...just forget them! They obviously aren't worth it!"

"But he is!" Harry exclaimed.

Ron paled. His eyes fell and Harry groaned. He had let Ron know he was gay, just great!

"Ron..." Harry tried not to peg for a reaction, any reaction at all.

"A guy...?" Ron asked quietly.

"I'm gay Ron, I thought you knew." Harry lied.

"No..."

"Why do you think I snogged Seamus!?"

"I just...you were drunk!"

"So, it doesn't mean I was completely out of my mind. You didn't see my kissing any girls." Harry laughed coolly. This was easier than he had thought. He just hoped Ron wouldn't freak.

"Oh..." was all Ron said. Slowly Harry made his way over to his friend and kneeled in front of him.

"Ron, look at me" he said, staring with his emerald eyes, searching for Ron's blue ones.

Ron looked up a little to see Harry and gave a nervous half-smile.

"Are you okay with it?"

"I guess... I mean, wow...I would have never guessed. It's a little odd. I mean, think of it! We've slept in the same bed before and we've changed in front of each other and all this time you were gay."

"Not really, I mean...well I suppose deep down I was, but I just didn't admit it to myself...that is, not until I found out this person fancied me. And you don't have to worry, Ron, redheads aren't my type." Harry laughed when Ron put on an offended face.

"What's wrong with redheads!?"

"Nothing, I just prefer guys with hair the color of a raven." Harry sighed dreamily.

"Oooh! So he has black hair, does he?"

Damn it...he's giving too much away!

"So who is it? Seamus? It is, isn't it! Look Harry, you can tell me!"

"No, it's not Seamus. I can't tell you, Ron, even if I wanted to. He'd get into trouble. Besides, it's over now. It doesn't matter. Even if I do love him..."

"Love is a strong word, Harry."

"I have a strong feeling, Ron."

"Very well then, I'd suggest you either ignore him and get over him, or try to work things out with him." He paused and yawned. "I'm very tired. We should go back to sleep, we'll talk about this in the morning."

Harry nodded and the two boys headed back to the dorm.

Little did they know they were being watched.

The next morning Harry decided not to go to his classes. He instead used one of Fred and George's Skiving Snack Boxes and curled up in bed reading some of the earlier entries in the new Journal.

Dear Journal,

Last Night I told Potter that he looks sexy without his glasses on. More like repulsively sickening. Usually the hideous glasses draw away from his stupid scar; that scar that caused the down-fall of my lord. However, last night when he took them off and I looked at him... it was disgusting.

Every time I kiss him I'm afraid I'll throw up in his mouth and blow this whole charade. However, last night I started to pretend like it was someone really juicy like that bloke I met at that pub last month. Mmm... I'd like to get in his pants.

I've got hundreds of essays to mark, spending time with Potter is not good for my career. If Dumbledore fires me I'll never be able to complete this task, I've got to stay on top of things.

Sinfully yours,

Severus

He was worried about getting fired was he? He wouldn't have to worry about that much longer... because Harry was going to kill that man when he returned to the school!

!$!$! Wow... I started writing this forever ago and never got to finish it because of band camp... hah, I've been putting off more honors work and writing fan fic instead! School starts Tuesday, and all of my honors work is due Thursday, so after Thursday I'll be able to update more...but not as much as before, because games and competitions are starting for marching band....but it'll still be more often then it has been lately! I'm so sorry...

I want to thank **lover not a fighter **for standing up for me and for being a great person! Violence is not the way (lol I love your pen name!) I'm such a hippie...blah, anywoo... review! (nicely please! lol no more flames! I'm already on fire hah!)


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